My dear sweet Ian,
I'm really missing you today sweetheart. I've been thinking about you and talking to you a lot lately. I hope you can see your brothers and how beautifully they are growing and how they keep me going. I love you so much and I hope you're happy. I hope you know who I am and can feel how much I love you from where you are. I never forget you. Never. Not a day goes by when I don't think of you and you make me smile. Then I think of the sadness and heartache, how much daddy and I miss you and wish we could have gotten to know you.. although I feel like I know you as if you have actually been here on earth these last 7, almost 8 years. I wish we could embrace and I could kiss your sweet face again. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe. I'm sorry I'm not stronger now. I'm ashamed that you paid the ultimate price for my faulty body, and that I'm not a stronger person because of it. You are our first child always and forever. Our first dear and desperately wanted son. You were the one that made us parents, you made us better, and you light the heavens with your beauty now.
I love you dear sweet boy. Your mom.
This made me cry.
ReplyDeleteI'm also sorry that I'm not a stronger person because of my loss. It's hard to make sense out of something so wrong as having to say goodbye to your baby before you even get to say hello.