Monday, January 28, 2013


I'll be honest, I frequent infertility blogs. It started out as part of my research when I was diagnosed with PCOS and insulin resistance in 2001 and I was told I would never conceive. Yes, the physician's assistant said those words. PCOS was a fairly new diagnosis being researched and treated at the time. Luckily, she was wrong. Even after we got pregnant and started having other pregnancy problems unrelated to infertility, I was still compelled to read the heart wrenching stories and blogs of couples spending tens of thousands of dollars, putting their bodies and minds through the ringer, many times with no sweet babies to show for it afterwards.... I still read these blogs after all these years and I can say with all honesty that I would go through the pain and loss we experienced 100 times over rather than be unable to conceive, or even have difficulty conceiving. I don't know how these women do it. It's a "special" kind of hell. If you could pick one thing that would torture a woman in the worst way for her entire life here in all ways, physically, mentally, spiritually, financially, marriage wise, I feel it's infertility. The constant torture of seeing others having children easily and building families, seeing people have babies left and right who have no right being parents, feeling left behind, being inundated on social networking sites with ultrasound pictures and baby pictures and every stage of a child's life on display, feeling like a bad person for natural feelings of jealousy and then guilt, not having the most natural desire as humans met, wanting so desperately to feel a baby kick in their belly and seeing what features their children got from which parent and treasuring those qualities... THOSE are the strong women that I looked to during my own struggles because they were enduring a worse tragedy and so many of them were dealing with this pain amazingly, this pain and innate overwhelming desire that never goes away, lasts a lifetime, is never resolved many times, and is constantly thrown in their face their whole lives... Those are the women who blogged because it was therapeutic, they needed to know they weren't alone, and who influenced me to blog as well even though it's after the fact. I can't IMAGINE that kind of life and if you are struggling with infertility, I'm so very very sorry and know that your strength during your life carried me through my hard times and still does. I'm writing this because I have seen many arguments on certain sites and blogs started because women who lose their children and have multiple losses and major pregnancy issues feel that "they have it worse" and that their pain is "the worst" and they are insensitive to women who suffer from infertility. They feel that women who haven't experienced a conception and pregnancy are "better off" than having a loss. I feel the COMPLETE OPPOSITE and I'm always baffled by these many people and how they callously verbalize this. It is something close to my heart. I would rather mourn the loss of a child I carried for any period of time than mourn the loss of children never met. And I think that if the women who had the losses were put in the position of the women who can't conceive, they would feel the same way. Just a thought.

No comments:

Post a Comment

I would love to hear from you even if you wish to stay anonymous. Share your story, ask questions, or just say hi :-) You can always reach me at