Thursday, January 3, 2013


Our unique community lost a precious member and fellow sister in grief.

I don't follow too many blogs yet but Emilee's is actually one of those that compelled me to come out from the shadows and put my pain out there and possibly help those in the process. While reading her blog, I was shocked by her candidness and bravery. I figured if she can do this while carrying a baby that would not survive long in this world, I certainly can do this years after mine left. So I started this blog and planned to post the link to my site and thank her for the profound effect her honesty had on me. Except I waited a few days too long. Emilee was overcome by the grief of losing her baby girl in December and went to join her this week. I understand that it is irrational to think that if I had reached out to her in her despair, this may not have happened. But the whole reason for starting this blog was to do just that, to help those lost and grieving people who wandered around the internet and needed support from others who knew what they were going through. So the irony of this happening when it did, hits me to the core. It also makes me even more compelled to make this blog a success and a real place people can come to find support. I've posted my site on various comment sections of other blogs, a facebook page, and a few infant loss forums but I haven't gotten any public comments yet.  I've had many views from all over which is awesome! I'm not terribly computer savvy so I don't know if something is happening that is preventing comments from being posted publicly or if people have just been silent. And that is totally fine, because I was a silent lurker for eight years. Some of us just aren't ready. I've truly enjoyed starting friendships with those of you who message me privately. Thank you for the gift of your friendship. But please, if you feel you are able, leave a comment even if it is just saying "Hi, I'm here and I know what it feels like." Or even just "hi" :-). Or "life sucks and I'm angry".  Let us know that you are out there and that we aren't alone in our grief.  Because frankly, after losing a baby, you could be in a room filled with 100 million talkative people from all walks of life, and still feel completely alone.  I want to be the person that walks into that room, sits down next to you and takes your hand, and we look at each other and don't have to say a word. We sit in silence together in that room. But it's ok because we don't need words to understand each other. 

Rest in peace dear Emilee. You are with your daughter Leila Grace in heaven now.


  1. Wow. I don't have any words after reading this. No one should ever feel alone. There are so many of us out here that have been through this. I found your blog while googling incompetent cerivx and found a comment you left on another site. I too lost a baby due to IC. Cameron was born on 4/13/11 at 24.5 weeks and fought in the NICU for 9 days. I just found out last Tuesday that I am pregnant, now 5 weeks along. I'm nervous, scared, excited etc. This is due in part to the previous loss, and also because I just battled breast cancer, finishing treatment in March. Thank you for your blog. I have been blogging my cancer journey, which appears I will begin bloggin this journey soon. :)

  2. Thank you for connecting and sharing on here. I'm so sorry to hear about Cameron and breast cancer, MY GOODNESS, there are just no words.... I remember those same feelings when I got pregnant with Nathan right after losing Ian. I would love to stay in touch with you either here or by email I'm very excited for your new pregnancy and we can chat about anything! Thanks again for getting in touch and sharing. It always makes me feel so much better and less lonely when readers come out of the woodwork and share their stories. Unfortunately we are part of a particular kind of baby loss community so feel free to use me during this pregnancy for anything, even just a listening ear from someone who knows EXACTLY what you are feeling. Take care Amber. Stay in touch! XOXO

  3. Thank you! I will definetly be emailing you! especially since we haven't told anyone yet. At least now I have someone I can share with!!!

  4. Yay! Absolutely, I look forward to it!! Take care!

  5. This story is just too sad for words. There were many times I longed to join my angel baby in heaven, but I knew I had to stay, for my son and my husband. I still long to go to her. I can understand why this woman ended her life, but it's just so sad for those left behind.


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