Haven't been doing well

I haven't been doing well lately. Well, I've been doing well in some aspects, keeping the house clean, supporting others, but in other ways not so much. Ian's been on my mind a lot lately. More than usual. The boys are getting older, the reality of not having anymore babies is hitting hard, and the three month of birthdays is coming at full speed- C is March 24th, Ian is April 14th, and N is May 8th. Last year at this time I had three miscarriages in a row, a D & C and then two home miscarriages, yikes. I'm so glad that is all behind us and that we are finished building our family. It's still difficult knowing we won't go through any of the "baby stuff" again. I REALLY enjoyed it this time around with C because I was able to stay home with him. A lot of friends have been having babies which is always wonderful and I've been talking with a lot of women via internet regarding cerclages and their precarious pregnancies, offering advice and support.... it brings everything back though. But it's ok because I'm able to deal with it now and think about all of it without deep depression. It still hurts though, I still miss Ian, I always will, my boys will always be growing fast, and some days are much harder than others. I've been having some harder days of late. The lack of parental support and very little family weighs on me. Hubby and I have to rely on each other solely and that always makes us stronger, but sometimes we just need a break and need someone to carry us. Or hug us. Or tell us they understand that life is hard and we are doing alright considering.