I wish there were only one. I went to my initial appointment with my Rheumatoid doctor last week. She came highly recommended and didn't disappoint. She diagnosed me with Lupus, Rheumatoid Arthritis, and Fibromyalgia. She also says "there is definitely something else going on" and referred me to a neurologist and an ophthalmologist. I can only imagine what the "something else" will be, an alien in my brain perhaps? I hate this shit. I hate being "sick". I hate being negative. I hate who I've become. I hate that other people are tired of "this Melanie". I hate it all. Life has turned out to be a real cluster f*. My stupid 32nd birthday is on Wednesday, my husband is out of town for the week for work, and no one seems to want to hang out that evening which I don't blame them because even I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH ME. It still stings though. I'm disappointed in myself, I'm disappointed in my life, I'm disappointed in the people in my life who should be helping me get through this time but instead are burned out with me or whatever. If I hear one more "Chin up, be thankful for what you have, at least you have this or that, it could be worse, look at the other worse tragedies in the world, live in the moment, stop worrying so much" I'm going to SCREAM and mentally punch them in the face. If you can't just support and love me for who I am now, UNCONDITIONALLY, and if you can't accept that I am no longer a person who can help you with your shit right now, then just go away. I've been helping people with their shit my whole life and I've been trying, trying, trying to be who everyone wants me to be. Look where it has gotten me. NOWHERE. I have every right to mope and be pissed for as long as I want. Does it help anything, probably not but it's my damn choice and I'm sorry if I haven't mastered how to be AWESOME POSITIVE MELANIE while my life falls apart. That's all. Happy f-ing Monday.