Sunday, April 14, 2013

Ian's pictures

I've really struggled with this one honestly. I'm not sure why. I've been overanalyzing it and perhaps it's simply the fact that I don't want to share him. I don't want strangers and loved ones alike seeing him in this state. I feel like somehow putting his picture up is leaving him vulnerable, like I'm not protecting him. But it's him. How can I tell his story and not show everyone HIM? I'm not ashamed or embarrassed. I don't want to be pitied or make anyone uncomfortable which I know will happen. I struggled with this all day today and finally I realized that my desire to be completely open about his story and my desire to show others who have been through this that it is ok to fully share, outweighs any other feelings I have about it. I'm trying to bring awareness that this is not a subject that should be taboo. We NEED to tell others what we've been through. We WANT to talk about our babies. I wouldn't be true to my goal if I didn't post his pictures. Also, over the past week I have a dear family member that took his photo and altered the coloring so that it wasn't so traumatic for others. She did an amazing job however I'm not going to post those. I'm going to post the actual picture. I can't bring myself to alter him. Because I am not ashamed and embarrassed, I will post his picture as is. It is what it is and I want to share this in the most honest and forthcoming way possible. This is one picture that I took "a picture of a picture" so the quality is bad but I will post the three pictures I took of it. Please don't hesitate to comment on him. I would love to hear your thoughts :-)
So without further ado- Ian Nathaniel Early


9 comments:

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    1. :-) Thank you for being so supportive and loving during this time of sharing.

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  2. Happy Birthday, sweet angel. Keep watching over your mom, dad and little brothers. They all love you so much.

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  3. XOXO, Thank you for everything Shavonda. I wouldn't have the strength to do this if it weren't for you :-)

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  4. Thank you for sharing him. He is beautiful.

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  5. Hello my name is Clela I had a second trimester miscarriage on August 18/2011 it seems just like yesterday. I had a little boy also I named him jaylen do to my incompetent cervix I lost him before I could enjoy him. I had all these things planned for this life I had inside of me and within a blink of an eye it was over.. I came to the hospital with a baby and left with pictures, footprints, hand and feet mold but no baby. I went from waking up peering every night to waking up wiping blood. Feeling him move to feeling nothing. It was horrible I kept trying to figure out what could I have done to prevent this. I had a funeral the whole 9.. When I seen this my heart melted your son is beautiful it may take weeks,months, or years but u will never forget there will be days that u feel fine and u just bust out crying. It's ok cry scream shout do what ever u have to losing a baby is hard and painfully mentally and physically.. After I lost my son I started hating and envying pregnant women I couldn't stand to see them but with time support and prayer I'm ok and u will be to!! YOU NOW HAVE A SON AND A BEAUTIFUL ANGEL BABY THAT WATCHES OVER U!! AND SO DO I I KNOW ITS HARD BUT U CAN DO THIS! I will pray for u! <3

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  6. He is perfect and beautiful, Melanie! Perfect and beautiful.

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  7. Thank you onepercentchance, you brought tears to my eyes. I never thought I would be hearing anyone commenting on my sweet boy, ever. Thank you for caring enough to leave such a wonderful comment. It means more than you will ever know :-)

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I would love to hear from you even if you wish to stay anonymous. Share your story, ask questions, or just say hi :-) You can always reach me at amorecappa@gmail.com